Sunday, July 20, 2008

Back In Las Vegas

You can see where my priorities are...get the kids out of the car, throw together some dinner, then blog. I should be doing the mountains of laundry. (We had to borrow two extra suitcases to bring home all our dirty clothes.)
I am sure you are all just dying to know how the class reunion went. I had a good time. Not a great time, but good enough. I was surprised how much like high school it was. All the old friends gravitated. I found myself avoiding eye contact and conversations. Every time I did open my mouth strange things would come out. I actually sang to one person. And I am not sure if I was just too forgettable, or I looked really different, but no one recognised me. Even people that should have known me like those who were in my ward and grew up with.

I had to say goodbye to my mom. I have had the luxury of denial. The last time I saw her, she looked like she was dying. She had looked so good, and had been totally lucid. She loved to hear stories about the funny things the grand kids were doing, and filled in the blanks with lots of praise and comfort. When I saw her yesterday, she looked sick. She was very tired, and the long line of my kids wanting to say goodbye wore her out fast, but when they left the room and I had my moment with her I realized how real this was. I was saying goodbye to my mother. These were the last words I was going to hear from her, and the last I was going to say. We just hugged each other and cried. My mom is so strong, and I know she wanted me to be strong, but I couldn't talk myself out of those feelings. I am really going it miss her. I pulled myself together, just long enough to make it to the car. I had a really hard time leaving. I couldn't breathe or swallow because my chest was so tight. I don't feel like our goodbye was enough. Is that it? Does she know how much I really love her, and that she is the nicest person I have ever met? Does she know, that the things I see in myself and like, are things she taught to me? For some reason telling her doesn't seem to be enough. I am going to miss her.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Hazel's Kindergarten Graduation

I know, I can't believe it either. Thanks to Jenny, I have some really cute video and pictures. Ok, I haven't seen them yet because of the filter on Julie's computer so you are all in the same boat as me. Let's all just sit her and imagine how cute Hazel would be doing some song or dance, and laugh at the weird boy who is stealing the show. Cute huh. So until I come back, which will be after my class reunion, you will just have to wait. I am going to fish around for a picture on Julie's computer 'cause it adds something. That's better.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

This Is What's Going On

For most of you, this will be old news, but for those who don't already know, my mom isn't doing very well. She is unable to eat anything, at this point. She refuses to take any of her medication anymore. She is surviving on morphine and ice chips. I am having a really hard time coming to grips with all this. I have been in Idaho for the last week and a half so I can spend time with her. She is able to talk and that has been a huge comfort to me. She is happier than I have seen her for a long time. I will try to keep you all updated, but it is hard because Julie's computer is usually in use, and I have a lot going on.
Oh, and for those of you who don't know, Julie had her baby. She wasn't' due until August so she is in the NICU. (Poor Julie, I don't know how she is doing all of this.) She is super cute and small, but not too small. She was 5lbs 4oz at birth, and probably close to that again. She will come home as soon as she proves she can gain weight without her feeding tube in. We're hoping my mom will get a chance to see her. Sorry if this is hard to understand. My thoughts are a bit fragmented, but I just thought I would let you all know where I was, and what was going on.